quiet chaos

you once asked me why i stayed up so late;  
why i tormented myself with the lack of sleep the next day
it's the exhaustion, see. it always gets me --
even though it's all the harder, eventually

i like the numbness and oblivion that comes with exhaustion
it gives me a legitimate excuse to evade my own reality
while the quiet chaos blocks out all my problems;
sometimes i don't even have to try because it does it for me

when you suddenly discover that you're sinking down and deep
all the way into that blessed quiet in the depths of your own mind
which means that it's you and you alone, and you can forget everything else
forget the voices that scream at your from in and out of your head

this, is finding yourself at 3 in the morning
without the hacking and coughing up blood
and the complexity of getting through the day
the farthest thing from anybody or anything

and so to answer your question, darling
it's because when the world is fast asleep,
you're awake,
and it's quiet.

i like that.